A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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