Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
