I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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