i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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