I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
BRING THE BAGELS
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
