all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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