What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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