I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
