well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
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You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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