I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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