Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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