i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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