There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
