Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
