I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
His nipple licking is glorious
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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