The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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