its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
