Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize