I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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