so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize