Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm passing your future prison.
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i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
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I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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