Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
