the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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