just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize