Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
