her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
