honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
