he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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