if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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