Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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