Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
