Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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