you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
