I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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