You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
