so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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