You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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