Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
