Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize