I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize