Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
All I want is dick and wine.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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