Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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