Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Everything about him screamed your future.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
