New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
