I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize