You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
