I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he puts the penis in happiness.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
