i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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