just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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