You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We are all done wearing pants today
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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