My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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