Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
