it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
