don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
