It's just like the Real World with babies
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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