woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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