You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
