so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
