i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I would fuck him just for his dog
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
