After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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