So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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