it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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